Is conflict a bad thing?

I regularly get asked to deliver conflict handling workshops and inevitably the discussion turns towards conflict being a bad thing that people actively avoid and it becomes a big deal for people.  What do you think?  Is conflict always a negative thing?  Is it always bad?  Well despite what many people think, the answer to that is no.  But what does matter is what the conflict is about.  We talk about functional and dysfunctional conflict but what we really mean is ‘does that conflict help progress things or not?’.  And the answer to THAT question is dependent on the focus for the conflict.  If the conflict is based around tasks and processes then generally speaking it is a functional conflict.  One that will likely result in improvements, things being done better, faster or in a new and creative way.  If the conflict is around the relationship between two people, then we are almost certainly looking at dysfunctional conflict.  And it is these types of conflict that most people try and avoid.

Think about a difficult situation you’ve been in and often it will be because of one of two things: either the topic you need to speak about or the person (or personality type) you need to speak to.  Either way we’re actually talking about the same thing which is controlling emotions.  Either yours or theirs (or sometimes both).  The first tip in handling conflict is to redirect the conversation away from you and them and back on to the task in hand, or the process to be followed or the goal to be achieved.  So next time you need to have that difficult conversation, remember to ask yourself and them, what are we trying to achieve here?  What’s the best way for us to do that?  What first step could we take towards that?

And remember, Use things not people, love people not things.  Spencer W Kimball